This is so hard

I thought I was getting better. Wednesday night S and I had a long talk and I was able to get everything out that I had been holding in. Thursday felt like a good day. I didn't cry once! Friday night we went to dinner and there was a family in the booth across from us. The little girl was about a year and half old, and even though I tried not to look at her, I could hear her yelling "daddy! daddy! daddy!" the whole time. It just broke my heart all over again.

Friday morning, S's grandfather died. This weekend is filled with funeral home visits and all that goes with a death. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to be around people. Especially people who know what happened. It's like the elephant in the room.

When does it get easier? I don't know how long I can keep going like this.