Rambling and tears

I'm sitting at my desk at work fighting back tears. Thanks a whole effing lot Aunt Flo. I have a big dilemma since we did not get pregnant this month. S's employer decided to drop our insurance plan forcing us to pick a new one effective July 1. Our old plan was Kaiser, so I cannot see my old gyn since only Kaiser members can see Kaiser doctors (or so I've been told). I know it is likely to take a month or two before a new gyn will even see me, and I can almost guarantee the first appointment will be nothing more than a "hi, why the fuck are you bothering me?" appointment. This means it may be another month or two before we are back on track as far as TTC. However, I had 2 refills on my Clomid prescription that I have filled just in case. I could take them on my own, unmonitored, while waiting for an appointment with a new gyn.

I know this isn't the most intelligent thing to do. I KNOW THIS. But I am so sad and frustrated at the thought of waiting up to 3 or 4 months for a new doctor to give me a new plan (even though I already know what the plan should be), that I am not thinking rationally. It's not like my last gyn was really doing anything to monitor me either. She ordered an estradiol test on cd 16, and progesterone on cd 23, that was it - no ultrasounds. I'm already charting, so I can confirm ovulation without the progesterone tests.

I'll call the new office today and explain the situation. Maybe I'll get lucky and they can fit me in soon. IBut since AF is on her way today or tomorrow, I need to quickly decide what I am doing about clomid this month.