This fucking sucks

Looks like statistics won.  Technically my beta isn't until tomorrow, so I'm not officially out of the game, but negative tests at 13 & 14 dpo, with a temp drop this morning don't make me feel very hopeful.  I've been a wreck for the past few days.  I never thought I would take a BFN this hard.  I don't remember crying like this after all the others.  I think it's because I don't know what to do next.  We are out of pocket and I don't want to "waste" money if this isn't going to work.  Plus, I know it's dumb, but I really wanted to be done by the time I"m 35, and since we have to take the next cycle off (travelling and unable to monitor), a May cycle (assuming it worked) would have me due after my 35th birthday.  Maybe I'm just making up stupid excuses because the truth is, I just don't know if I can do this again.  It is so hard on my emotionally, not to mention horribly inconvenient with  a toddler.  I feel like my mental health is finally back to normal, and then this process puts me back to being a miserable, crying, idiot.  It fucking sucks.