Well I thought I was ready...

Ever since M was born I have been insisting that I was one and done!  Which is funny because all through the pregnancy I joked with S that we would get started again as soon as we were allowed, and if he wanted to to give it go before my epidural wore off, that was fine :)  How quickly one changes their mind after being home a few days with a newborn.  I decided there was no way I could go through the physical healing, sleep deprivation, and mental anguish again; and especially not with a toddler running around.  But lately I started warming up to the idea of a second child.  I watched how my 2 nephews played together on vacation last week and I wanted that for M.  I want her to have someone after S and I are gone.

So we talked about it on our long drive home from vacation.  We decided to pull the goalie and see what happened for a few months before seeing a doctor since it is likely we will need more fertility treatments.  I haven't had a period since November 2009, so it's pretty clear my lady parts are still broken.  So that night was the first night in a year that we had unprotected sex.  I felt fine with it in the moment, but immediately after I panicked:   Oh god, what have we done?!  I don't think I am ready for another baby!  What am I going to do if by some miracle I actually get pregnant?! 

I was still freaking out the next morning...until my period showed up.  Thank god. 

So I guess I'm not as ready as I thought I was.